Soccer Moms
by Fabius Maximus
Summary: Who said retirement would be boring....


_Soccer moms.

* * *

_

The future, Middleton Soccer field.

* * *

It was a bright and shining day at the Middleton Soccer field, as the weekend game got under way. The twin teams were evenly matched, as the game continued, and the bleachers were full of shouting, cheering parents.

"Go! Go!" One, a statuesque, blackhaired woman in her thirties shouted, jumping up and down. "Get him! Feed him his spleen!" Some of the women were frowning at her, quelled by the occasional glare of green eyes. The men were just watching the joyous reaffirmation of Newton's laws of motion, revealed by her T-shirt. Next to her, a blue individual looked down at his daughter charging back and forth along the soccer field.

Next to them, another couple, this one younger, was also cheering their kid along. A red head leaped up and down exuberantly, her hair whipping around her while her blonde haired husband affectionately watched her.

"Go!" She shouted, "There you go! Yes!"

Then it happened. The seven year old girl the black haired woman was cheering hit the boy the red head was cheering…both went back on their tails. The two women stopped. Looked, turned to each other…and at the same time.

"Your kid did that deliberately!"

Suddenly, Mrs. Shego Lipsky was face to face with Mrs. Kim Stoppable.

"I saw that—your kid deliberately ran into her."

"No, he didn't—you probably set up the collision."

"Oh God." Ron groaned. He knew what was coming. Normally, he and Drew swapped off on who was bringing the wife to the soccer games to avoid this…but this was the finals. Right behind Shego, Drew groaned too. These discussions were always hard…on the wallet. He remembered the infamous Middleton Museum field trip…the one that resulted in the court order.

* * *

Down below, the game was coming to a halt. Some were watching, some heading towards the bomb shelters (installed after Killigan decided he liked soccer better than golf.), and others were looking annoyed. This game was going to be called, they knew it.

* * *

"My Kid…" Kim said, "Does not need to do that deliberately—_He_ was winning."

"Oh really Kimmie…" Shego said, "Why don't you go down there and help him… I hear you can _still_ pass for a tall ten year old." Kim turned red. Shego had somehow found out that she'd always been a little sensitive about her slim frame, especially now, that she was twenty five. Kim frowned thunderously. Ron looked nervous and started up…

"Look, Kim, Shego…it was an accident-"

"Whose side are you on!" Kim said. Ron almost let something out of his mouth that would have led to his death.

_Besides, I don't think Switzerland has soccer. _He thought. Drew came up and tried to play peacemaker.

"Maybe we should all have some coco-mo-" Shego glared at him.

"What did we agree?"

"That…. I don't say that word and you don't perform open heart surgery on me?"

"Right."

"I'll sit right here." Drew said. Both he and Ron prayed, as they watched the Wife-off.

_Don't get into a fight, don't get into a fight… _

_  
_"Besides, Shego…." Kim said, and quickly poked Shego in the belly, "You really should have some Coco-moo….since it looks like you're expecting again." She paused, "Oh, my mistake….it's just a little fat."

"A little…" Shego paused, and glared. Comet powers or no, three kids left an unavoidable… softness in the belly. She was sensitive about it. Kim knew this.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" She shouted as Kim dove away, her hands blazing with fire.

_Sigh. Don't get into an expensive fight, don't get into an **expensive** fight. _

"We should have realized that they wouldn't take to retirement that well…. Ron said."

"I thought marriage would slow them down…" Drakken moaned, "Now they're becoming soccer moms from hell…. Why can't they accept this without some middle age crisis?"

"Drakken?"

"Yes,"  
"Shego's 35 and Kim's 25….they're nowhere _near_ middle age." Drakken buried his head in his hands.

"Ruined" He moaned, "I'll go bankrupt and then be sent to debtors prison… if they have another fight like the one at the mall…."

"Well," Ron said, "There's less stuff to break here-" The sounds of plasma, kicks, shouts suddenly mixed with the sound of a dozen car alarms going off…and then falling silent as if something had turned them into smoking wreckage. "….unless they decide to also fight in the parking lot." Ron sighed. Well, that was another royalty check down the sink.

* * *

Down below, the game had come to an end, with people using camcorders to observe the fight, women frowning, and husbands grinning, before being smacked by their wives.

The soccer players were leaving, figuring that once again, the game would be called. The two kids who had collided received some dark looks, but on the other hand, nobody figured anything different would have happened.

"I'm sorry," Cindy Lipsky said. "I didn't see you and I was chasing the ball."

"It's OK." The James Stoppable said. "I wasn't looking where I was goin-" An explosion erupted outside the playing field.

"Oh man….' James said, "I wanted a hotdog after the game."

"Hot dog cart again?"

"yeah." Cindy sighed. "Dad's gonna have to take out a sixth mortgage."

"What about all his inventions?" James asked. Cindy sniffed.

"Nobody wants doomsday devices…what's the point?" The seven year old looked over at Ron and her father, "And dad's still paying off the fines from when he was a supervillain."

"He is?" James paused, "Wow." And James thought library fines were bad when he forgot a book...

* * *

"What's a matter, Shego?" Kim called, "need a break? I hear that old age and body fat really kills the endurance."

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT KILLS THE ENDURANCE YOU LITTLE FLAT-CHESTED BOY!"

"_WHAT? THAT'S IT!"_ Kim shrieked and dove under Shego's blast of energy, which demolished the electronic score board.

* * *

On the field below, the children had lost interest in their parents, as Cindy pulled something out of her backpack on the side of the field. James' eyes bugged.

"Your mom made you a supervillain suit?" Cindy frowned.

"Yes, and then she wouldn't let me go out at night—and _then_ she was watching the NetTV and saw a special about some kid that got hit by a car because he was wearing black clothes."

"So?" Cindy didn't say a thing, just unfolded the suit. It was dark colors designed to absorb the light for infiltration….except for the two, obviously quickly added patches on the buttocks, that were bright safety orange and caught and reflected the morning sun, bouncing it back into James' eyes.

"Wow!" He said, "That's bright!"

"And it's on my _butt!"_ Cindy said in disgust. "Everyone would laugh at me!"

"What did your dad say?"

"Nothing. He was hiding. Mom asked him if she was getting fat." Even at seven, James knew one thing. There _was_ no right answer to that one.

* * *

Meanwhile, out in the parking lot, the Middleton SWAT team had shown up and deployed their OTHSVH (Over the Hill Super Villain and Heroine) system, and were now waiting for Shego and Kim to come bouncing into range.

"I've got you no-AAWWWWKKKK." Kim screamed as they came in range and the air permeable, quick setting, plasma flame retardant foam sprayed over them, transforming them into two white, foam covered statues, except for Shego's legs, which were kicking frantically as she'd been caught mid-dive. .Muffled blasphemies came from both women as the SWAT team with the ease of _long_ experience, picked them up and put them into the paddy wagon for a quick trip to the jail where they would remain until they cooled down. That wouldn't be too long, as the method of dissolving the foam required water at 40 degrees to be sprayed over the two, a duty surprisingly popular among the male officers.

"Twelve SUV's, one hot dog stand…." The police officer was busily totaling up the damage, since nobody even bothered with a court trial anymore—they just had a list of expenses.

"Oh Come on!" Drew said, "Those SUV's were unhealthy gas hogs, we should get pai-"

"Drew…" Ron said, "Remember, they added the 'back talk' surcharge to the fines now…"

"Oops, Right. No objection to any of your quite reasonable charges, officer."

"Good." The officer said, "Here you go, and you can sign out your wives tonight."

"One hundred thousand dollars." Drew said.

"Lower than last time."

"Yes…." Then Drew blanched. "But tonight is the PTA meeting….and they _both_ have to be there." Then Ron blanched. They'd just built a new meeting hall…if _that_ got destroyed… more importantly, if Kim and Shego screwed up the Award ceremony, then Principal Bonnie Rockwaller would do horrible, horrible things to him. She'd already sent the multimedia file showing what she would do, complete with computer generated screams of agony.

* * *

"But I mean, how can I be a supervillain with a bright butt?" then she looked even more grumpy, and held up her hand.

"And look at this…" Light pink fire danced around her fingers.

"Wow! I didn't know you could do fire…when did that happen?"

"Last week….but I can't even burn paper, just make light, and it's _pink!_" She sighed. "Whoever heard of pink fire?"

"I think it's neat."

"You do?"

"Yeah, it's not normal, and dad says that's a great thing to be. He never wants to be normal."

"But what sort of villain has a pink fire trademark?"

"You don't have to be… you can be a super _hero!_"

"How? There aren't any supervillains, anymore, remember?" Cindy said. "I mean, Monkeyfist is hosting Animal planet now, and Killigan got hired for the Xtreme Sports channel." Cindy prided herself on her knowledge of former bad guys. It helped with figuring who to ask for what when Christmas rolled around.

"That's where you're wrong!" James said, standing up and thrusting a finger towards the sky. "There _are_ villains, out there…. Evil, dastardly villains."

"Oh? Who?"

"The sixth graders." Cindy blinked and nodded.

"Yeah…" She said. They were always coming out and taking away the playground…

* * *

"We have to do this Drew."

"But we'll die!"

"No…maybe they'll calm down…it's either that or the wrath of Bonnie."

"I don't _sleep_ with Bonnie."

"Well if sleeping is all you do with your wife, that might explain her crabbiness."

"_Hey!"_

"Sorry, just couldn't avoid it."

"Says the person with two, not three, children."

"Ah, yeah, Kim's been talking about that."

"About what?"

"She's competitive with Shego…in _all_ areas."

"Please no. Shego's been cackling about how _our_ family is bigger…if Kim…"

"I know…"

"Anyway, about the PTA…is this the _only _way to do it?"

"Fraid so, Drew."

"Sigh."

* * *

"See? I can be the hero and you can be my pink fire wielding sidekick!"

"Why do I have to be the sidekick?"

"Because I make all the plans!"

"Your dad was a sidekick…" Cindy said, folding her arms. James looked panicked for a moment, then rallied.

"So was your mom….how about we swap off? Half the time, I'll be the side kick, half the time you'll be the side kick."

"Sounds fair…ok. Shake on it?"

"Sure!" And the two children formally shook hands on their new partnership.

"James!"

"Cindy!"

"Oops, they're calling." James sighed. "Dad leaves me with Grandpa and Granma when he goes to get mom from jail."

"Daddy leaves me with Uncle Dementor." Cindy grinned, "You should come over some time—he has the neatest stuff!"

"I'll ask dad…mom gets really hyper protective…" James said. "Almost as bad as your mom."

"OK!" Cindy paused, "If we go to the PTA, see you tonight?"

"Yeah!"

* * *

The Middleton PTA meeting was for all grades and active members, including two active members who were just out of holding, but were surprisingly chipper. Bonnie Rockwaller, the head of the High School and odds on favorite for superintendent, had finished all the formalities, and was now doing the typical thing, greeting the parents, including the Lipsky's and Stoppable's. And they were standing together. Bonnie quickly checked to make certain all the emergency exits were clear…but they weren't sniping at each other.

_What is going…oh. **Oh.**_Bonnie didn't laugh. It would be remembered. Then she nodded at Kim and Shego.

"So, how was the meeting?"

"It was very good, and we are very happy to be here!" Kim said.

"Yes, It was lovely…. But there were no Dodos."

"Yeah.": Then Bonnie looked back from the two women, with their big smiles and glowing chips on their foreheads, and turned to the husbands.

"You two, are so dead when those things come off, you know that?"

"Nah, they'll understand." Ron said. Bonnie looked at him.

"Right. We're dead."

"Death before bankruptcy…and your threats looked much more painful." Drew said, then paused, and in a lower voice. "But…don't' show Shego that video…ok?"

"Very good…I'll update the emergency contact information for your kids to reflect your demises." Bonnie said, and then blinked. "Where are the kids?"

"The younger ones are at sleep overs…but where _is_ James?" Ron wondered.

"And Cindy…" Drakken echoed.

* * *

"So…why are we here?"

"To plan our first secret base!"

"AT the _High School?_" Cindy asked.

"Yeah… We're small, the vents are big, so this is the perfect place to hide out from sixth graders!"

"Oh. Was this your dad's idea?"

"Nope, it was mine!"

"Figures… Tomorrow it's _my_ turn to be the boss and your turn to be the sidekick. We're going to find another secret base then."

"Are you certain?

"Certain."

_And so… the torch is passed to another generation._


End file.
